Why You Can’t Trust Anyone

Does trust work the way we've been taught that it does?I don’t mean “you can’t trust anyone” in the way that your mother told you when you moved away from home.  What I mean is that trust works very differently from the way we usually talk about it.

You can’t really trust or mistrust someone else.  

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Is It Love or Something Else?

What is love really?I remember the day that I realized that most of what I had called love, in relation to boyfriends or even friends, wasn’t love at all.  It was a fear of losing someone I felt dependent on.  It was quite a blow to discover that instead of being loving, I was being needy.  

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How to Move Beyond the Blame Game

Learn why we blame and what we can do about it.“When you think everything is someone else’s fault, you will suffer a lot.” – Dalai Lama

I would extend this to one’s own self, too: When you think everything is your own fault, you will suffer a lot.  So, the problem isn’t whom you blame, but that you blame someone, period.

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The Surprising Origin of Being Rebellious

I used to be in awe of and even intimidated by rebels.  They do everything “their way.”  They blaze their own trail, make their own rules.  They’re so quick-witted that they usually dominate conversations and win any argument.  I thought that they were really powerful and completely self-reliant, but I’ve come to see it differently.  

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Anything for Approval

For the first 30 years of my life, getting other people’s approval was the most important thing in the world to me.  It was the main motivator in my life. I got great grades. . .mostly because that earned the approval of my parents and teachers.  

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How a Dream about Shooting Your Mom Can Be Good

A client called me yesterday, very disturbed about a dream in which he tried to shoot his mom.  As I always do with this type of dream, I got really excited for him.  The only thing that can be “killed” in a dream is Learned Distress, the feeling that “there is something wrong with me being just as I am.”  And, the intensity of a dream indicates the intensity of Learned Distress that is removed permanently.

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