Why “The Secret” Doesn’t Work (and What Does)
Has the Universe failed you?
You watched “The Secret,”and their promises sounded so good.
So, you’ve labored to change your thinking, to raise your vibration.
You’ve done more affirmations than you can count.
You’ve visualized. You’ve made vision boards.
You’ve put what you really want out to the Universe.
You’ve felt it. You’ve acted as if you already have it.
You’ve tried and tried and tried to manifest what you want.
Maybe it worked for a while. For little things.
Or maybe it never worked, at all.
Is There Something Wrong With You?
The Law of Attraction gurus claim that changing your thinking will change your life.
They say if it’s not working, you just need to work harder at it.
You follow their advice, but nothing.
Why isn’t it working for you?
The Actual Source of the Problem
Changing one’s thinking only works for some people for a certain amount of time.
The Law of Attraction is based on consciously deciding what you want and then trying to “manifest” it.
You’re trying to make something happen.
This is just another form of what I call Learned Distress®.
The Real Secret
Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
Learned Distress is the problem, in the first place.
It’s the feeling you absorbed early in life that there’s something wrong with you PLUS the survival mechanism your brain developed to handle that awful feeling.
It’s the reason you feel dissatisfied with your life.
So, you can’t use Learned Distress to dig out of this hole.
To climb out of it for good, you have to get rid of your Learned Distress.
Why “The Secret” Works for Some People
Some Learned Distress survival mechanisms allow people to make things happen.
If this is you, once you have a strategy for accomplishing a goal, you work at it, and you succeed.
You may have to make a Herculean effort.
It may only work in one part of your life, like relationships or career.
And, it probably feels harder and harder over time to make it work.
But, you do succeed.
Why “The Secret” Never Works for Some People
Some Learned Distress survival mechanisms defeat strategies for accomplishing goals.
If this is your mechanism, you make the same Herculean effort as other people, but it never pays off.
You can even be smarter and more dedicated than anyone else, and your efforts never give you the result you want.
So, when you try to use Law of Attraction methods, your survival mechanism takes over and your attempts at manifesting fail.
The Real Goal
In your heart of hearts, what do you really want?
A big house? A million dollars?
The perfect body?
The perfect job?
A mate that has every last characteristic on the list you’ve made?
I think deep down, what you really want is to feel good being yourself, exactly as you are.
Did you just roll your eyes?
“Yeah, right, Sara. Like that’s going to happen!”
The Source of Feeling Good
At your very core, you already do feel good being you, exactly as you are.
This good feeling is the little kernel of energy that you began life with.
You might think of it as the part of you that is from God, or Source, or part of the All.
I call it your “natural well-being.”
How It Was Meant to Be
As you grew in your mother’s womb and for the first couple years of your life, your core well-being was meant to grow into your unique way of being human and fitting with your surroundings.
The fuel for that well-being expansion was the way people around you felt about being themselves.
Just as a growing plant absorbs water and sunlight, your developing brain was a sponge.
It absorbed how your parents and early caregivers felt about being human.
Your sponge-brain turned all that feeling into how you feel about being yourself.
If we lived in a perfect world, you would have absorbed their well-being and turned it into lots more well-being for you.
Your parents and early caregivers didn’t always feel wonderful, did they?
I bet they felt downright lousy sometimes. Maybe a lot of the time.
From those moments, you absorbed the feeling that there is something wrong being human.
Not from what they said or did.
Just from how they felt.
Your brain turned that awful feeling into the sense that there is something wrong being you, just the way you are.
Learned Distress embeds itself into your sense of self.
Your sense of self becomes the automatic, generating force behind every moment of your life. Without your conscious input or control.
Your moments that feel bad now are a recall and repetition of the way negative moments felt early in your life.
An Alternative to the Grind Stone
Learned Distress is greedy.
It intensifies over time, and it overwhelms your natural well-being.
More and more moments are generated from the feeling that something is wrong with you.
To have good things and situations, you have to bury, deny, or leap over the Learned Distress and make those good things happen.
If your survival mechanism will even let you.
It’s exhausting, isn’t it?
But, you still have natural well-being at your core.
What would moments be like that are generated from the feeling that you are all good, just as you are?
They would feel great, right?
Without you having to work so darned hard for it.
Putting Well-Being in the Driver’s Seat
Quanta Change throws Learned Distress off its greedy perch and allows well-being to become the generating force behind more and more moments.
This process works with your brain during sleep, when it is most open to change, to permanently remove layers of Learned Distress.
As clients start to experience moments that are generated from well-being, they are shocked.
They can’t believe good things could happen so easily for them.
People who have done lots of work on themselves are especially surprised at how different their results are. They aren’t used to feeling good without controlling or working around their Learned Distress.
Sometimes, they find that what they always thought they wanted is no longer their goal. One client is transitioning out of the career she has worked for since she was young, having found that it was based much more on her need to be perfect and get others’ approval than it was on what really makes her happy.
Others find finally are able to achieve what they’ve strived for, perhaps for decades, but have felt held back from. One client said, “It’s been the most creative and productive year of my life professionally, and we have more money in the bank than we have in our entire marriage.”
All of my clients find a greater sense of peace and ease in being themselves in some way, and that’s often a great surprise to them. One said, “For the first time in my life, I actually like myself! No, wait, I love myself! I’m a good person, and I deserve to feel good about my life!”
Well-Being vs. Magical Thinking
Your core well-being can provide everything you need to achieve what really matters to you.
However, that does not mean that you will sit on the sofa eating bon-bons the rest of your life.
Getting rid of Learned Distress does give you more ease in having the life you want.
But, tapping into your core well-being is not like rubbing the bottle and having a genie pop out to grant your wishes.
It gives you access to your life’s purpose, along with the resources to fulfill it.
When Learned Distress is in the driver’s seat, what we want—be it material goods, a job, a relationship, etc.—is often just a way to try and fix the feeling that there’s something wrong with us. When we come from that place, the “fix” never works for long, nor does the satisfaction it brings last.
What’s truly satisfying in life is fulfilling your purpose for being on the planet.
Why Are You Really Here?
You have a unique contribution to make.
Maybe to your family, your community, or to a much larger audience.
Does that sound daunting? Scary? Exhausting?
That’s your Learned Distress talking.
But, when you get it out of the way, your well-being can provide the inspiration, energy, and resources to discover and offer your unique contribution
You will feel more energized and joyous than you’ve even imagined was possible.
So, what will it be?
Do you want to keep trying to manifest the things that will just keep your Learned Distress at bay (for a while)?
Or, are you ready to step into your soul’s purpose in the world?
Sara Avery helps people get unstuck in their relationships, health, career, and self-expression. Learn how she can help you tackle your biggest challenges.