The Sensory Quotient – the Dictator Pattern
Survival for Dictators is based on making everything go their way. While the Perfectionist is concerned with things being the “right” way (which is often determined by external research), the Dictator’s way is determined internally: “My way is the only way.” They make sure that everyone else does things their way, also—the Dictator always knows best.
In fact, in order to survive, Dictators feel they need to know everything. They’re always very aware of how things work in the world and how they can use this knowledge. They are very uneasy in a situation where they don’t know something, often to the point that they will pretend that they do know. In fact, when in such a situation, their knee-jerk reaction is often to just take over and run things.
They usually excel at tasks, at professional achievement, and in any physical activity, although they will have to work hard to do so. Dictators are very often highly successful in business or professional settings, including with their finances. They feel very comfortable in leadership roles.
Dictators are very competitive. They need to win and show they are the best. In any kind of relationship, they need to hold the power and have difficulty connecting with or caring about how the other person feels. So, they feel that they just can’t succeed at relationships. They rarely form deep connections with other people, even though they may be quite charismatic and able to generate more superficial connections in which they control based on what they know.
They have an especially hard time with authority—they rebel against it automatically. In fact, in many cases, the “Dictator’s way” is just whatever is “not their way”. . .in this way, Dictators can often find themselves in constant reaction against whatever rules they feel are being thrust upon them.
This pattern begins to break down when Dictators encounters critical personal or professional situations in which they must work together with others or follow someone else’s rules. This is usually only after they have run the other way from many such situations. They get to a point where they feel they need this situation to work, but find themselves unable to collaborate or fit within whatever boundaries are required.
Quanta Change for the Dictator
They begin to be able to work with others and within rules or structure that is practical. Their need to show that they know everything relaxes, so they begin to feel more comfortable in new situations, more able to “just be,” rather than have to take over. As they begin to discover and honor their own uniqueness, they can honor others’ uniqueness and purpose, as well, and don’t feel they have to win or be the best at everything. They can begin to really connect with others on the basis of well-being and mutual respect and, for the first time, feel safe and comfortable sharing who they really are with others.
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