How I Overcame the Fear of Voicing My Opinion

The challenge of expressing your own opinionI went to a rally the other night for a political candidate who I support, and I was struck by how comforting it felt to be in a room full of people who probably agree with me on most things. Contrast that with some recent trips to the dog park, where one regular tends to be very outspoken with his views that are opposite mine.

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Why I Keep Beating the Proverbial Rug

Quanta Change is like beating the dust out of a rug to uncover its beauty“When someone beats a rug,
the blows are not against the rug,
but against the dust in it.”
~ Rumi

I just sent this quote to a client who reminded me today how little he likes talking about Learned Distress, the feeling we absorb early in life that “something is wrong with me,” which is at the core of our negative moments.

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The Perils of Living in Denial

Do you live in the fairy tale world of denial?

One of my clients laughed nervously the other day when I said that he lives at Disneyland. You know, “It’s beautiful and fun, and there’s a parade every day!” This is how I often describe what I call the Idealist personality pattern, in which someone relies on creating and maintaining a “pretty picture” in order to survive.

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Are You a Chameleon?

Do you change who you are to get others' approval?I remember one evening during high school like it was yesterday. I had invited friends over and once they arrived, I found myself unable to talk. I just stayed in the kitchen cooking chili while they socialized.

I wasn’t sure which person to be—the person I was with my parents or the person I was with my friends.

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Fit IN or Fit Naturally?

Your uniqueness allows you to climb out of the box.I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with the feeling that I need to fit in. On one hand, I always felt a great deal of pressure to conform to my surroundings. On the other, I felt strongly like I needed to do things “my way.” Quite often, this tug-of-war with “fitting” created the need to make it look like I was conforming, while secretly doing things my own way.

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What if Everyone Wins?

Sharing your uniqueness creates a win-win situation.“What if everyone wins?” is something my clients hear from me a lot. It’s because I see so many people squelching their own voices, surprisingly, in response to the condition of scarcity. As humans, we are steeped in the feeling that in any situation, big or small, there has to be a winner and a loser.

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Are You Robbing the World?

Comparing yourself to others kills your creativity and uniqueness“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”
—Iyanla Vanzant

I would say that this “act of violence” extends to those around us and to society as a whole, also. When we depend on comparing ourselves to something or someone else, we deprive ourselves and the world of our creativity and uniqueness, and also the creation that would come from many unique souls collaborating.

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