The word is “already.”
What’s so remarkable about that word, you ask? Here’s some context.
You are already good enough. Yes, YOU. Just as you are right now.
Without losing another pound.
Without earning another dollar.
Without putting on make-up.
Without finding the perfect mate.
Without your child bringing home straight A’s.
Without the promotion.
Without cleaning your house.
You are already good enough.
You don’t believe me, do you?
Would you believe it if your mom said it? Or your best friend? Or if it came from a respected mentor?
Would you still believe it tomorrow? Or, the next day?
Or, would you sink back into that “not good enough” place, just like you have all of your life?
Hearing that you’re good enough from someone else never really sticks for long, does it?
So, You “Do”
You try to earn your way to “good enough.”
Wake up earlier.
Work out harder.
If you just do enough, you will feel good enough. You look at people around you, and they are clearly good enough. If you could just be a little more like them, you could be good enough, too.
But…and this is a hard thing to swallow…you can’t earn this one. Not even if you’re an expert earner, and you’ve been successful at every single thing you’ve put your mind to.
So, You “Think”
You go to therapy and faithfully follow all of your therapist’s instructions.
You read the latest guru’s book.
You do all the affirmations.
You use your guided meditation every day. Twice on Monday.
If you can just think differently, you’ll finally feel good enough. But, you wake up each day right back in your “not good enough” hole.
You’re beating your head against some invisible wall, and you’re not even making much of a dent.
The Wall You Must Get Around
That wall is your rational brain. While it is operating…while you are doing and thinking…you can’t access the part of yourself that stores how you feel.
In order to change at the deepest level, you must bypass that wall.
Beyond the wall is your sense of self, which stores how you feel about being human. Trapped inside that storage bank is the feeling you absorbed early in life that there is something wrong with you being just the way you are.
Not only do you experience that rotten feeling repeatedly now, but your brain actually uses it to generate the negative moments of your life. So, you feel it and the situations in your life confirm it.
You’re hit with “not good enough” from all sides.
But, there’s hope. When you get beyond the rational brain wall and tap into your sense of self, you can really change that feeling.
The Key to Bypassing the Wall
You might think that meditation or hypnosis will get you around the wall. But, they only put the rational brain on the sideline, and it snaps back into action all too easily.
The good news is that your rational brain shuts down entirely every day…while you sleep. And, sleep is when your sense of self recharges itself. These two factors make sleep the most optimal time for deep and lasting change.
It’s a bit tricky, though, since you’re asleep when you need to access your sense of self. A researcher named Mimi Herrmann spent 20 years discovering how to give your sleeping brain permission for change, and I worked with her for 5 years, helping her refine how to tell your brain the specific changes you want to make.
By engaging in three integral actions—working with a guide to understand this change process, sleeping with a recorded message that is a catalyst for change, doing simple daytime work to shift your feeling—you can permanently remove layers of that horrible feeling that there is something wrong with you.
The Other Side of the Wall
One of my clients is an expert at “earning.” She’s at the top of her field and she has always succeeded by working hard. But, she hit her “not good enough” wall recently. On a day that should have been a celebration of her personal and professional pinnacles, she was all alone.
“It was the best day of my career, and I looked better than I’ve ever looked before, and no one wanted to share it with me. If I could do all of this and still be alone, I must not be lovable.”
Being good enough was still something she had to earn.
We spent a couple of months removing layers of “not good enough,” and she realized one afternoon that what people think of her doesn’t matter. For the first time in her life, she felt free to just be who she is. In years of working on herself, she had never felt this way. All the books and gurus told her this is how she was supposed to feel, but just knowing that (with her rational brain) never took away “not good enough.”
Not only does she feel different, but she’s speaking up for what she really wants, even with people she’s always deferred to. She’s expressing herself without reservation or worry about what others will think, and people are reacting to her in wonderful, new ways she never expected, certainly not from just being herself. Even in her career, things feel better and more effortless.
This is what I hear from clients all the time. “Wow, Sara, I never thought I could just be myself. It’s so weird to finally feel that I’m good enough, and people seem to like me even more!”
It Was Already There
Notice that my clients don’t mention learning this new feeling. That’s because it was already there.
The core of who you are as a human being is the feeling that you are just right, exactly as you are.
You don’t need to create that feeling. You just need to uncover it.
It might seem selfish to spend time and energy uncovering the feeling that you are good enough.
But, it’s the most unselfish thing you could ever do.
At your core is the uniqueness that you are here to express. And when you are plugged into it, there is more light for everyone.
The world is in trouble in a myriad of ways. Your uniqueness holds the solution to some piece of that trouble. The world needs you to unlock your uniqueness and put it into action.
And, as a little side benefit, your life will get better, too. But, if that feels too selfish, just focus on the good you’ll do for the world by finally feeling that you already good enough. Because you are. Yes, YOU.
Sara Avery helps people get unstuck in their relationships, health, career, and self-expression. Learn how she can help you tackle your biggest challenges.